I felt uncomfortable in my skin, but not motivated to do anything in particular. It was night, and nearly bed time. I have a great book to read…but not wanting to engage. Hmm…journaling? Nope.
Interacting with others? Not so much.
Meditate? No yet again.
I was in that actively catatonic state, and I haven’t yet figured out what puts me there. I have energy brewing, but nothing inspires me. Then, I decided I needed to do something for myself, and that it would be sensual. I was not wanting to be in my mind, and felt out of touch with my body.
Perhaps I was inspired by a book so sweetly and cleverly left in my purse by my friend. It’s called “Vividly Woman: Textures of a life Richly lived” by Leela Francis. The book starts out discussing texture and sensuality in a woman’s life. The Vividly Woman Creed’s first paragraph is this:
“A Vividly Woman surrenders to her sensuality, passionately, letting her passion lead her.
She lives her passion as her power: the object of her passion is irrelevant. She is passionate about passion.”
First off, I had texture and sensuality planted in my brain, so doing something sensual seemed the thing to do to create some movement to shift my catatonic state.
I took a shower, and made sure to enjoy it, to feel the courseness of my scrub towel and the delicious heat of the water, to hear the pounding rain just a few feet away from me (I love outdoor showers!). Then, I slipped into my teddy, lied down on our futon under a soft light, and just enjoyed how I felt and how my curves looked in the reflection on the giant glass door across the room.
The reading light from my partner’s loft above me cast giant shadows on the arched cathedral ceilings of our Balinese style home. It made me feel that much smaller, lying curled delicately below. But it was not ominous, just curious, and the soft lights played so gently on my skin, with the shadows, with their reflections in the glass doors that spread the width of the room.
Yes, I pulled myself out of a frozen state and into a state of curiosity and delight, and celebration, even of my feminine body.
Thanks to a small pink book left as a surprise gift in my purse, I now have a new tool to help me switch directions, to reconnect with my feminine side. When I choose my clothes for the day, my jewelry, my essential oils, I do it with feminine sensuality, consciously and passionately. Amen.