Turning it around

In a half hour, a complete stranger helped me to understand a power struggle between my daughter Keely and myself that has caused us much strife over the past year. I left this call with a “stranger” able to breathe freely in a way I haven’t felt in months.

This person somehow, in a twist of celestial fate, showed up in my Facebook feed yesterday offering free 30-minute calls to people. She goes by April Dawn*, which I find even more interesting, as my daughter goes by Keely Dawn.

She reminded me indirectly of the mirror our lives are to our internal state. I expressed concern over my daughter’s ability to make things happen in her life for herself, and how I hate being in the position of having to decide whether to step up for her again or to let her feel the consequences of her lack of action. April said she sensed a lack of trust in my relationship with my daughter, and asked me to turn around my lack of trust in my daughter’s ability to make things happen. She asked if in some way I might be acting from the fear that I am not able to make those things happen in my life, and it hit me like a brick.

Yes, as always, it was my issue all along.

I let myself down when I was 18 when I quit San Francisco Ballet School. I have lived with that regret ever since. I have found ways back to dance here and there. I blamed circumstance. I pointed the finger at my folks for not financially supporting me when I needed it. But in the end, it was my responsibility to ask for help, and to find a way to make it happen, to believe in myself enough and to love myself enough to make my dream my life.

And I didn’t do that for myself.

And I project that regret onto my daughter, fearing she will do the same thing. And it’s not right, nor is it helpful.

The call happened twenty minutes ago, and already some of the details are fading, but the lesson isn’t. I have put so much energy into trying to “help” my daughter succeed at what I think are the most basic things, and all I really need to do is make things happen for myself. Live by example.

My fear of not being able to make my own dreams come true, has led me to put pressure on my daughter to make hers happen. Near the end of the call, April asked how I felt about making things happen for myself, and I remembered that in the past year, I have actually made some huge strides for myself in that direction. Lately, I have been feeling very stuck and impotent in that area, but reminding myself of the steps I have taken suddenly reaffirmed my trust in myself, and hence, my trust that my daughter will be o.k. She is on her own path, and she will find her own way. I sighed out tension I have been holding for months.

When I take away my fear of letting myself down and learn to trust myself, I suddenly trust that my daughter can do what’s right for herself. And when I am in that place of trust, I can guide vs push her. I can be there for her, but let herself do what she needs to do. I can allow her to find her own way, and remain available for her, but not intercept.

I can trust her because I can trust myself, and that’s a HUGE relief for both of us!

*April Dawn has a Relationship promotion going which I am happy to spread the word about. If she can help me reach clarity in a half hour on something I have missed for months, I can only imagine how she can help guide people in 4 months!


Dancing again

It’s been years, and I had forgotten that all pervasive internal movement, the constant inner dialogue of dance.

Driving away, I find myself going through each movement, breaking it down into all its parts. I had forgotten how dance connects me to myself, how it reminds me of the interconnectedness of every little part of me, and how every little part of me connects to all that is around me.

Yes, how the smallest intentional movement can translate through your body and out into something big and beautiful, or something so small and profound. The dance inside mirrored out there, out in the world.

The unfurling of the soul.dancer swirl

I had forgotten how movement out there brings me closer to the movement in here, in my heart, in my very own body that remembers so much. The fascination of movement, and of slowing everything down to its infinitesimal purity, only to speed it back up again. And the test is to remain so in tune with the transitions that time stays slow, so that you can move like lightning.

That’s when life makes sense, when nothing else exists but the movement within and without, when my inner merges with the outer, I am space, I am flow, I am alive.


149- Tuning Out to Tune In


This gallery contains 3 photos.

“The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures. It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth in numberless blades … Continue reading


145- For all the times I had no voice

For all the times I had no voice, for the spirit within that is unseen, unacknowledged, unheard. For all women and the times they had no voice.

My God, how sad that I have so often felt Just. Like. This….

Vit Gestalt performance from Karolin Kent on Vimeo.

Excerpt from the site:

‘Vit gestalt’ is inspired by the research around the issue of female oppression within societies. This piece discusses her social restrictions whilst portraying her as a proud and strong creature, fighting for recognition. Kent utilizes the mediums of performance and live-art in order to discuss this matter. ‘Vit gestalt’ delivers a strong visual and expressive image by blending subtle and grotesque expression, through a structured improvisation of movement and voice.

Performance at Halmstad gatuteaterfestival 2012


144- In One Breath

This video touches so beautifully on the dance where two are one breath, and the disconnect that happens when we go from being One to being Two. Enjoy

Stillness is motion. Motion is stillness from Karolin Kent on Vimeo.


143- So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.


This gallery contains 1 photo.

This excerpt of T.S. Eliot’s work from Four Quartets: The East Coker speaks to my need for silence, and the innate uncomfortable-ness of that space between the light and the dark. It is in the anticipation of what lies beneath … Continue reading


139- Nobody Cares

It took me many years to find this to be true in many ways. A technician without passion is no fun to watch, but someone with true passion can draw you in and move you, even if their technique is lacking.
It’s the same in the dance of life. If you aren’t passionate about it, it doesn’t matter how good you are. People won’t be moved by you. Do what moves you, and it will inspire others to do the same.


134- Sensuality


This gallery contains 1 photo.

I felt uncomfortable in my skin, but not motivated to do anything in particular. It was night, and nearly bed time. I have a great book to read…but not wanting to engage. Hmm…journaling? Nope. Interacting with others? Not so much. … Continue reading


117- Springing from the stillness, and making vindaloo curry


I vanished. Rather, my mind finally took a hiatus, and therefore so did I. I have sat down several times with the intent to write, as my journal and mind are full of realizations, visions, poems, metaphors, etc. I just … Continue reading


112- Celebrate Your Inner Rainbow

Inspired by a Facebook post. Original quote:

“Colours seen by candlelight will not look the same by day.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning….. ♥

Value all aspects (colors) of yourself. That includes the light and shadow, which alter our perception of everything.
Can you see the beauty in the shadow aspect? Can you see the darkness in the light?
Like a painter, I explore my colors. Dancing on every moment through my waters, my paints, kicking, sloshing, twirling, immersing myself fully.
Paintings in my mind, in my heart, impermanent, ready each day for a remodel of my inner landscape. ~Amy Baker