Ready for Respite – Transcript

Recorded January 2017

So, I’ve been feeling tired to the bone. Not physically tired, but just tired inside. I wouldn’t call it depressed, but kind of ready to give up. I was sitting at the counter last night and suddenly felt weepy, not hard crying, like when you’re grieving something, but like I finally let go a bit.

It became clear to me, like a little voice, that I’ve been running since my divorce. I’m done running. I don’t know what I am running from. That’s over 2 years of kind of being in survival mode. I have had amazing times during it, but underlying everything, I think I’ve been running, …..and I’m tired.

And a little voice also said what I really could use is some actual retreat time. Not just getting out of town and going dancing and wearing myself out, but rejuvenative time off, like Vipassana, or some type of silent retreat, where there isn’t anything to do but nourish myself and give myself the quiet I haven’t had in….way too long.

So I am very thankful that something finally gave last night and I didn’t feel the need anymore to DO anything, or like I was forgetting to do something, or that….I’ve been feeling like something’s going to fall through the cracks. I think it’s that survival mode from the whole divorce. It was fucking traumatic, wondering if he was going to pop his head up again and attack me with lawyers and cost me more money and just threaten my basic livelihood, you know? So, I guess that threat’s not there anymore, and my body is finally realizing it? Anyway, I am a weepy mess, and I am thankful…