Let me start with this:
‘If you can’t fall in love with my inside,
Don’t bother touching my outside.’
If you want to be in my life, and be the subject of my sweet love, I need the following:
Presence – love me with your presence, not an eagerness-to-please puppy-like presence, but a full-bodied willingness and devotion to bringing all of yourself to meet and see all of me.
A willingness to be seen – you accept and love yourself enough to allow others (me) to see all of you. I can see it anyway, so open up and drop the disguise. You are so much more beautiful raw and tender.
Touch – not the ass-grabbing lusty touch (not yet), and not the possessive arm around my shoulder “she’s mine” type of touch. I want and need the small touches, the hand on the small of my back, the reaching for my hand, the brushing of my hair and my cheek with your hand….hands. They are so powerfully sensuous and healing. I want deep embraces, long hugs, breathing together, exhaling together. Your touch, your reaching out, tells me you want to connect, that you like to connect with me, and that you are proud to be seen with me.
Laughter – Not the kind that is constant and tells me you are actually just awkward and self-conscious, but the kind that lights up the room, that shows me that no matter how hard life is, you are able and willing to see a silver lining. You can laugh at yourself out of compassion for your humanity, which means you can laugh WITH me not at me.
Commitment – I want to know, before I share those most sacred parts of me, that you are committed to being emotionally aware, that you care about my long-term well-being, that you are willing and wanting to be there when I am vulnerable and raw and tender.
I want you to reach out to me as much as I reach out to you. Meet me in the middle. Are you committed to self-growth, to facing the shadows that will arise in both of us, and to working through those consciously? You must be to be with me.
TruthFull – If you lie at all, do not call on me again. Withholding is lying. I only tolerate truth in my life. I am forever seeking to unearth more and more of my truth, and if you are on that path, then we can share the trust built in immense vulnerability in the sharing of our most intimate Selves.
Answer Me – I have an insatiable curiosity. Be ready to answer questions. Understand it is because you are important to me that I seek to understand you. If you hide yourself from me, be ready for an inquisition. This goes back to being present and honest and committed to truth. I cannot sleep when I have burning questions, so talk with me. I am not a mind reader. Help me understand.
Not only am I inquisitive, but I need communication. Trust is built through honest, frequent communication about desires, needs, issues, uncertainties, and even the mundane things like how we plan our times together. On that note, I have a hard time asking for what I want (hence this writing), so please understand that, and when I ask for something, PAY ATTENTION. It was hard for me to ask for what I want, so it’s important if I do.
Integrity – I don’t want a hero. I don’t want someone who claims to be something he can’t then fulfill. Be a man of your word. Have your words and actions match. Don’t lead me on with ‘maybes’ and ‘I’ll try’. This goes back to commitment and honesty. If you aren’t into it, just say so. Don’t cop-out with maybes. They put me on a hook of hope, and I am done with that.
If you want something, tell me and then let’s make it happen. If you don’t want something tell me, and let’s actually not do that again. If you are unsure, for God’s sake, tell me and then let’s discuss what that means.
This is not a job for the faint of heart, for the weak-willed, nor for anyone out of integrity. Loving me (loving Anyone) is a calling. It beckons you in the middle of the night, it leads you again and again to the place where we meet, looking asking, holding, waiting……
Waiting for the knowing that nobody else makes sense, and that whatever our love is, it is good, full-bodied, wholesome, passionate and true.