Dare I say, I am proud of myself. Not for doing anything grand or big, but for finally honoring myself and committing to something I have wanted to do for way too long now.
When I moved to Ashland, Oregon from Maui nearly 3 years ago, I was excited to learn of a small dance company right down the street from me. It turns out Moment In Time Dance Company‘s director and choreographer Rosalind Schrodt also trained with Bill Evans, and she had a company in Santa Fe for some time. We had many commonalities that made it seem like such a good fit. My marriage and something inside of me kept me from continuing there, despite the desire to make dance a part of my life. I attended a couple of classes at Dancing People Company and thoroughly enjoyed them, but for many reasons didn’t make it back on a weekly basis.
I have committed to my fellowship, to a 90 day Challenge where I worked out diligently 6 days a week, committed to my work, and even to helping teach social dance classes at a couple local venues. Yet, I wasn’t committing to my first true love. Part of the reason I committed to the challenge was to get strong enough to dance again with less risk of injuring myself. YET, I still am not dancing.
I decided at the end of 2015 that I really wanted to perform again. I don’t really care much the venue, but I was thinking some type of movement performance. Well, a Moment In Time Audition showed up on my Facebook feed a couple weeks ago. How could I not do it?
Well, I haven’t been dancing consistently for 11 years. That right there says a lot. I had many reasons why I should or could not go, but none of them were convincing enough. I decided to at least dust off the cobwebs and allow myself to have the opportunity to dance, no pressure. Before going, I dug out my old toeshoes and ballet slippers. They still fit!
It felt good to be with dancers, to feel my body and my feet on the Marley floor. It felt good to perform movements that were familiar, that I had performed in some form or fashion thousands upon thousands of times. It was a small group, and we danced well together.
Classes and rehearsals start Monday (tomorrow).
What’s amazing about this opportunity, is that it’s like coming home. I have had so many new things come up in my life the past couple years. A new relationship, a marriage, a divorce, a new job with all new responsibilities, a new town where I don’t have long standing friendships to anchor into, and new activities I am learning. Yet this, even though I have to get to reknow my body’s capacities….THIS I know.
I feel so much energy freed up from wondering if and when and how I was going to dance (despite having the whole local schedule typed out into Excel). I feel like I can focus on everything else now. The dance will happen, 2-4 times a week. No expectations, no timeline, except hopefully a performance or two in April, potentially more.
I can’t wait to share my love of dance, to honor it regularly with those like me who just can’t put it aside…who won’t put it aside.
I am reconnecting with my first true love, and while our relationship has changed, it is every bit stronger. I have fewer expectations, and more appreciation for it’s role in my life.
Let the dancing begin!