The man I have been intimately involved with posted the following on my Facebook wall today:
“There are two questions a man must ask himself:
The first is ‘Where am I going?’ and
the second is ‘Who will go with me?’
If you ever get these questions in the wrong order
you are in trouble.”― Sam Keen, Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man
We had a deep discussion around the time this picture was taken. I post this not because of the post, or because of the context. Rather, I gained some really good insight into my reaction.
My gut reaction was that he was saying Goodbye, that he had made a mistake somehow with me. Thankfully, I didn’t react to that.
I came from a place of rejection. My initial instinct was that the man in my life decided to move on. This reflects quite strongly on where I am working the hardest in my therapy, and where I evidently still have far to go. Awareness is the first step!
After some thinking, I realized that he could have even been giving me a note to not consider him in my decision of whether or not to move away from Maui. He and I are both in a similar place of not knowing if we are moving from Maui or staying on island.
Another way I could take it is to follow my heart and not worry about my daughter. Don’t worry about taking her with me and what that means. Follow first my heart, and the rest will work itself out.
It could have even been a congratulatory comment for choosing to follow my dream rather than get hooked to a man and his dreams (as I have done in the past).
Amazing how much more constructive the last three are in helping me take the next step in my life. Amazing how my mind jumped to the point of rejection.
In the past, I would have gone down the rabbit hole, perhaps called and asked what he meant by it (so that I didn’t spend too much time in the rabbit hole). This time, I stayed curious, used it constructively without wondering too much what he meant by it, and moved on.
Growing up isn’t so bad after all, especially when I get to keep my head above ground more often.