45- When the Four Gates of Speech aren’t enough

I am in a quandary and unsure how to proceed.

For the past several months, I have worked on only responding to people, whether it be via email or in person, without my ego. It is important to me to speak from the heart, for I feel that when I do, the message is clear, better received (ideally), I feel good about what has been said, and it brings more joy and clarity to the situation.

I was having a particularly rough time in February trying to decide how to respond to someone I was intimately involved with. When the heart is wrapped up in the brain/ego, it is a bit harder to unravel than when no emotions are involved.

My yoga teacher always seemed to say exactly what I needed to reflect on, and one day she brought up the Four Gates of Speech. If your answer is “No” to any of the questions, then the message is not ready to be sent/received. I have found these questions pivotal in my approach to personal responses to feedback, criticism, and projections from others.

Are these words true?
Are they necessary?
Are they timely?
Are they kind?

So, what do you do when someone can’t hear you? What do you say when someone is so wrapped up in their darkness and driven by their inner demons, they can’t hear or see the beauty in life?

This is someone I love dearly, but is buried so deep in the caverns of his own psyche, he can’t see any light. At this point, the Four Gates of Speech aren’t enough for me to decide how to proceed.

Does anyone have any other tools for reaching those we love in such a depressive state that nothing you say seems to get through?