**This post is 2 months old, and I thought I had to write everything before posting….silly me
Joy is timeless, so InJoy!
I don’t know how to assimilate all of the goodness that is flowing into my life.
I opened the doors to what I want, and it’s all flooding in at once…. conscious relationships, dance, community, career success, financial stability, and something I never imagined….. having my whole reality shattered by a weekend of African dance.
Sounds odd, but bear with me, and you will understand.
Sometimes, I can’t tell if written words or spoken are better. Here is my Bathtime Musing #5, in case you prefer to listen:
As is par for the course on a New Years Day, I slept in. Thankfully, I remembered to turn off my alarm, and at 10am, I awoke, with crusty eyes, swollen hands, and an internal panic of all that I “have” to do.
Insert big EXHALE here.
Let me start over. I know 2016 is going to be big. 2015 was huge. I let go of a lot and brought in so much that I now don’t have enough hours in the day to do all that I brought into my life and would LOVE to do! It’s a real problem, folks.
I wake up, and my mind starts with, you “should” do yoga. That’s a healthy way to start the day, every day. You shouldn’t drink coffee. It’s hard on your adrenals. You really should go play on your pole. Don’t sit down on the computer right away without stretching and being active first. And on and on… I think I have an internal mother on overdrive.
And then I think of all that I want to DO in my life.
I want to dance more, like full dancing, with jumps and leaps, and performing, and pirouettes, and floorwork, and all the pain and beauty I remember.
Oh, and I have a pole downstairs that I want to learn to use, but for some reason am not.
I want to write more, so I think a daily blog again would be good.
I started a fellowship, so I know I need to study.
Of course, I want to somehow turn that into a business where I actually help people be healthier, vs. approve medications that are prescribed by other people and that I know are making them sicker.
Oh, and I want to be healthy and strong, so I want to keep up the workouts in the gym, and of course the meal prepping.
Perhaps I might do a figure competition as well.
Somewhere in there, I really want to have more close relationships with people. Yet I am reticent to have a relationship outside of myself. I want to let people in….slowly.
I want to clear the clutter in my home….starting with the file drawer full of things to file…and I need to download my quicken for the YEAR and figure out what is biz and not…and organize so I can study, so my heartrate doesn’t quicken in panic every time I walk in the office….
And all of those things take Time, …and Focus…. and Presence.
And yet, I am remembering going through some of my old posts last night after coming back from New Years festivities. So many of the posts are about Surrendering to the unknown, to letting the current image of things as we think they should be fall away. They are about Trust, Self Love, and BEing.
So, I sit down with my coffee, open up my computer, and this page is looking at me (which I opened last night)
A Year to Clear What is Holding You Back! Premium on-line course by Stephanie Bennett Vogt (9,538 people have taken this course)
This is a 365-day on-line course available from Stephanie Bennett Vogt. We will email you when your new lesson is available and you will be able to login and read each lesson on-line or print as they become available and click to listen to the guided audio meditations. Your first lesson will be available immediately after you enroll.
“The journey is the treasure.”-Lloyd Alexander
Well, I took it as a sign, and I signed up. Part of me thought, “Amy, there you go committing to yet one more thing,” and the other part of me said, “It needs to happen. It will help me focus on what is most important each day, help me in seeing that I don’t have to do it all every day, that it’s ok to let some things go so other things can come in.”
So, no New Years Resolutions, except maybe to ALLOW my Self to be all that I imagine and more, or less than I imagine, and to trust that letting go of what I imagine will allow something I cannot imagine because it is a whole new way of being.
Part of me thinks I must be mad. I spent many years being busy, busy, active, active. I drove myself and my body….and you know what? After poo-pooing it for so long, and for noting that so much of it was initiated out of, sometimes, a not so healthy place… I am turning full circle. I am entering the Oxygen Ultimate 90 day Challenge. Not only that, I am competing to get on their cover.
I have learned rest, and the value of just BEing. I spent a year working on being easy on myself on my body. And I realized I LOVE being active and healthy. Do I need to watch it and not push too hard? YES.
Recently, I started coffee again..bulletproof coffee to be exact. I quickly gained 4 pounds and was going out dancing a lot. And then, I realized I was worn out. Adrenal fatigue had come to visit me again. I noticed I had a harder time waking up in the morning, and my brain was foggy. The day after I quit coffee, I got up before my alarm. By day 6, I was mentally alert and my energy was more stable. Go figure!
Back to the Challenge.
When I was 27, I worked out 2-3 hours a day, ate 1200 calories, tanned a lot, and looked pretty amazing. I was strong and agile. BUT, it was all based out of my eating disorder. I thought that if I had the perfect ass, my husband would stop seeing other women. I read Oxygen magazine religiously and pictured myself on the cover. A male competitor saw me in the gym one day and said I could be ready for a competition in 6 weeks. I didn’t realize then what a compliment that was!!
After that, I started marathons and triathlons, and got super strong and fit, while eating!
Fast forward a few years… broken pelvis, and resultant adrenal fatigue (with hypothyroidism), plus daily alcohol consumption. Not pretty. I wasn’t heavy, but I wasn’t the tight, strong fit girl I was used to. I was horribly depressed too.
Fast forward a few more years to age 40 (and fabulous).…recovered pelvis with some minor lingering issues, adrenal fatigue if I abuse myself, many months of completed intense therapy resolving my eating disorder issues (at least it feels that way), and a better knowledge of both how to be healthy in mind and body, and the desire to do it right.
WHAM! In comes an invitation to the Oxygen Ultimate Challenge.
July 15- Oct 12 I will be working my butt off eating clean and smart, getting active, disciplined, and healthy. To prove it, I will be posting at least before and after photos. Likely, to stay honest, I will post weekly shots.
OMG! My butt in a bikini for everyone to see….I truly have lost my mind.
I want this. I have so many other things I am focusing on for myself, and this is what I am using to kickstart my discipline and my vitality. I want to be healthy in a way that is sustainable, that I can honestly tell people I feel the best I have in my life by treating my body well.
Follow me on IG @amyrxbaker
The winner of the cover contest will be chosen BY THE PUBLIC from 20 finalists. I would be ecstatic to even make the finals, but I will shoot for the gusto!