14- When Life Throws Curve Balls

I certainly don’t claim to be a spiritual guru, nor even very knowledgeable about the practices I am so interested in. I am a novice, single mother and young professional, working my way slowly, daily, toward being more clear and true to myself, and hence others.

It is my hope that by sharing my experiences, from challenging to triumphant, others will benefit.

Life has thrown me some really big curveballs lately. My basic security has been threatened by people whom I trusted and respected, despite the fact that my intent has always been to make sure that the other person is benefiting as much or more than I. With each blow, I am learning to pause before I take action, and this last incidence is forcing me to really STOP and breathe.

Lately, I have been focused on living Pono (Hawaiian term for righteousness), which has been translated many ways, but it infers harmony, balance. I have made efforts to be transparent in all of my interactions out of respect for myself and others. I have entered both my daughter and myself in counseling. It is a huge commitment to US, and it was definitely the right thing to commit to, regardless of my situation. Actually, it has helped me deal with all that is going on, and I can’t help but acknowledge the serendipity of the timing of finding and entering this program.

Yet, with all the changes I have made toward being more balanced, giving, and true to myself, people around me are adversely affecting my job security, my shelter, my career, and hence my family. Once one situation feels remedied, or at least my response has been resolved, another situation crops up that directly threatens my, and my daughter’s, most basic securities.

It is getting harder and harder for me to understand what all this means in the context of where I need to be in life. Perhaps I need to be more of service to others, yet that is hard to do when I am busy putting out fires that threaten to turn my life upside down.

When you have felt you were making positive changes, but that life kept throwing road blocks in your way, what did you do? How did you remain balanced, and what did you learn about you and your life?

I ask because I could really use some guidance and perspective!

Mahalo for reading. Please share your insight!

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  • Jason Calsyn

    The literal baseball analogy may be the most fitting: stay balanced, don’t be deceived by others’ trickery, take your time, and you begin to see that you can trace the arc of things…

    • Thanks for commenting Jason. Sometimes that peripheral vision is more telling than looking at things head on.

    •  Yes, take my time. That is the hardest thing right now, as I feel pressed for time. I hope you are enjoying your travels!

  • Innatebliss99

    Mama always said, “Trust in your prayers, not in your fears; believe in your dreams, not in your doubts; and if your heart’s not in it, keep your other parts OUT!”
    Another person suggests “It’s all designed to drive you INSIDE.”And someone else once said, “Despite the general conglomeration of worldly wisdom, consider the possibility that the answer to every perceived problem is simply to surrender, rather than to fight or resist.”  What does that mean, in practical terms? I dunno.  Perhaps it isn’t possible to really surrender unless one has evolved in consciosness to the point of being able to trust that there actually is an infinite, ever-present conscious ultimately merciful essence moving in, through, and behind EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME… and which it is simply impossible ever to be separated from—despite the faulty evidence offered by our thoughts, perceptions, emotions—particularly during challenging times.
    This may also provide an awareness, or a sense, or the possible consideration at least, that Life itself is God, and God is Life, and everything happens precisley when our soul is ready for it, and in the precise manner that it’s supposed to happen in order to propel us FORWARD/UPWARD, even though this generally occurs in ways that our security- and familiarity-seeking ego finds difficult to accept at first.
    Challenging situations are ongoing opportunities for PRACTICE—opportuites for us to evaluate how much our spiritual journey has actually served us in our deeper psyche, as well as in our surface mental and emotional responses (or reactions)… ongoing opportunities to notice which old layers of conditioned unconscious fear-programming is yet in need of further purification or upgrading/re-programming to divine trust awareness.  In order to be effective in erasing self-defeating fears, our cosmological awareness must include the awareness the it is utterly egotistical to believe that oneself could ever be separate from the Infinite Real Ever-present One.  That is, it is very beneficial to one’s attitude of peace to come to the recognition that it simply is not possible to exist, or to live outside of, or apart from, the Wholly Real One.It is simpler to arrive at this peace of whollyness if one already believes in *infinitude,* for infinitude means infinitely expanding in all directions infinitely, evermore, both outward and inward—there is no possibility of anything existing outside of infinitude; the infinitude includes ALL, seamlessly.  Infinitude equals oneness.  And every point in this infinitude is itself the CENTER of all infinity, and inseparable from every other point and particle in this infinitude in which time and space are but temporary delusions of limited perception.Suck on these ideas/morsels for a while… I trust you find something in there that brings you a greater relaxation, surrender, acceptance, release, and effortless easeful trusting of the innately conscious flow of the river of life. 
    Mama always said, “For greater peace of mind, simply resign as General Manager of the Universe.”  😉   A the very least, allow “God” to help you with your worldly concerns, rather than trying to take care of everything yourself—rather than trying to accept responsibility for everything…  Let God be responsible for God’s creation, while each of us practices merely mastering responsibility for our own breathing and thoughts.

    •  Your words are soothing. Clear and sweet. Mahalos for sharing. Would you be interested in doing a guest post? I would love to share your words and thoughts.
      Your mom sounds like an amazing person. I love your last quote. I think I really do feel/take on too much weight on my shoulders….so that last paragraph hit me, in a good way.

  • Ari Shapiro

    Being real and true to yourself is far harder then living in denial, running with the pack and filling the holes with stuff. I lived to long with fake smiles and a broken heart in this life. I see what your doing for your self and your daughter. You should be so proud of yourself ! I haven’t met your daughter but I can already tell you are giving her excellent footsteps to follow. Keep your chin up. You will make it through these times and you will shine!

  • Ari Shapiro

    Breath
    and stay focused on the things in life that you want . There will
    always be haters out there that are miserable in their own lives and
    will see as a threat. Stay vulnerable and keep your heart open it will
    keep you feeling and will force your
    creativity . If you need to engage with the haters remember to be
    empathetic vs defensive. You get more bees with honey. I have had a
    business for 12 years . Your going to take hits. Learn from them and try
    not to dwell on them. It sounds like you are doing great things for
    yourself and your daughter. Your a strong powerful person that is very
    determined. It’s like a hill climb when your riding a bike, stay focused
    on your goal and spend more time thinking about your breathing then
    the distance you have to climb or the steepness of the grade. A little
    music goes a long way. Dance… Dance don’t forget to dance. You got
    this Amy. I am always happy to talk:) 

    •  I love what you say about staying vulnerable and keeping my heart open.  Additionally, being empathetic vs defensive. I found this easier with one, and I actually approached her in gratitude. While I did not like what she did, it was really her issue, and I appreciated her pointing out some flaws in how I presented myself online. I spent a whole day making sure my online presence was spot on, so I am appreciative of her threats.
      As for the landlord situation, I am still stuck in my ego response, so working on not being defensive there. It is much harder when someone threatens the basic security of my daughter and myself.
      Thank you for sharing, Ari!

  • Innatebliss99

         Amy, begging the pardon of you and your readership for having posted the above really looong piece… without adequate editing, ack!  Can we delete the above piece?  And, maybe this one is worth re-posting; if not, that’s okay, too. (It is clear that I’m merely typing what I am still in the process of learning!) Thank you for your brave and inspired sharing of your evolutionary experience, and for the fine and inspiring examples of pithy and brief responses from your other friends!  😉
    [previous post, with editing:]
         Mama always said, “Trust in your prayers, not in your fears; believe in your dreams, not in your doubts; and if your heart’s not in it, keep your other parts OUT.”Another author suggests “It’s all designed to drive you INSIDE.” And some other person (pardon my lack of clarity in regard to attributions for alleged quotations!) once said, “Despite the general conglomeration of worldly wisdom, consider the possibility that the answer to every perceived problem is simply to surrender, rather than to fight or resist.”
         Surrender?  What does that mean, in practical terms? I dunno, yet!  Perhaps it isn’t possible to surrender unless one has evolved in consciousness to the point of being able to trust that there actually is an infinite, ever-present, conscious, ultimately merciful essence moving in, through, and behind EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME… and which it is impossible ever to be separated from—despite the faulty evidence offered by our thoughts, perceptions, emotions—particularly during challenging times.     Such progression of thoughts may lead to an awareness, or a sense, that Life itself is God, and God is Life, and everything happens precisely when our soul is ready for it, and in the precise manner that it’s supposed to happen in order to propel us FORWARD/UPWARD, (though this generally occurs in ways which produce discomfort to our conditioned sense of self).     Challenging situations are ongoing opportunities for PRACTICE, and for us to evaluate how much our spiritual journey has actually served us in clearing our deeper psyche, as well as in our surface mental and emotional responses (or reactions)… ongoing opportunities to notice which old layers of conditioned, unconscious fear-programming are yet in need of further purification or upgrading/re-programming to a higher order of divine trust awareness.
         To be effective in erasing self-defeating fears, our cosmological awareness may at some point benefit by realizing that it is really quite egotistical to believe that oneself ever could be separate from the Infinite Real Ever-present One. That is, it is very beneficial to one’s overall attitude of surrendered acceptance to finally arrive at the recognition that it simply is not possible to have any life or existence outside of, or apart from, the Wholly Real One.
         If one already accepts the reality of an infinity of existence, i.e., if one already believes in *infinitude, this is beneficial to understanding and accepting that it is impossible to be separate from The Real One Wholeyness, or God… for *infinitude* means simply this: infinitely expanding in all directions infinitely, evermore, both outward and inward, acknowledging that there is no possibility of a “Great Wall of China” nor a “great barrier reef” in the universe which separates any portion or aspect of existence from any other—there is no possibility of anything existing outside of this whole infinitude; the infinitude includes ALL, seamlessly.
         Infinitude equals oneness. And every point in this infinitude is itself the CENTER of all infinity, and inseparable from every other point and particle in this infinitude, and in which time and space are but temporary delusions of limited perception. Try sucking on these conceptual morsels for a while… I trust you may find something herein that brings a greater sense of relaxation, surrender, acceptance, release, and effortless easeful trusting of the innately conscious flow of this wholey river of life.      Mama always said, “For greater peace of mind, simply resign as General Manager of the Universe.” 😉     Or let us, at the very least, consider allowing “God” to help us with our human/worldly concerns, rather than trying to take care of everything all by oneself.  That is, why not ‘let God be responsible for God’s creation (EVERYTHING),’ while I stick to my own basic responsibility of becoming aware of my own breathing and thoughts… for a few seconds!

    • Lovely! Thank you for such thoughtful comments! I saw you at the Festival yesterday, but just as at the satsang, you were deep in conversation, and then I lost you. Love your comments. Keep ’em coming! Blessings