We talked about certain feelings like abandonment, and about annoyance with certain qualities or actions of people close to us. She reminded me that these feelings are mirrors to what we dislike in ourselves.
The greatest abandonment issues always go back to having abandoned yourself.
~ Sidonie Bouchet (www.soletosoulsex.com)
The above quote showed up in Facebook today, reminding me of our discussion. Truly, when we feel abandoned, it is because we are not fostering our own selves. When we do not show up for ourselves, we rely more on others to feel good about life and about ourselves.
I have been having issues of feeling rejection. While I know it is not rejection that is happening, it is “interesting” that I am feeling this. In actuality, it really sucks to feel this. I know a lot of it is patterning, but I have been having a hard time pulling myself out of that thinking. Lately, I have talked a lot about my inner child. It seems that there are some issues to bury there.
I can’t help but wonder if somehow I am rejecting myself. I feel that in some ways, I have abandoned or rejected myself lately, both in my image of myself and my approach to my life.
I went from feeling very much a divine being, full of positive manifestation and love, to the person I knew and am trying to un-become. I reverted, seemingly rejecting the person I was becoming.
And I hadn’t even realized I was going down the slippery slope until just now.
Now, how to get back on that slope and get some footing? I had been thinking that so much of where I was at was due to someone special in my life, for his love and attention affirmed where I was at and catapulted me into the next stage. When dynamics changed, I felt lost, but it was all me, all along. I just don’t have the same reflection in my mirror.
My mirror is now reflecting back my rejection of the divine. I felt that I had been denied, but only I can do that. Only I can deny my divinity, and it seems I have. So, time to find a way to get back in touch with that, whatever it takes.
I want to keep moving forward. I want to go through the chrysalis and come out a whole other being. I want to leave behind all that has held me back, all the doubts and insecurities and patterns of holding.
Instead, I will shine love and light, first on myself, and then on others.
I will approach myself with compassion and generosity, for only then can I demonstrate true compassion to others.
My lover will be myself, and she will receive unconditional love, endless hugs, and lots of self care.
Only then will I again attract the energy I want, for then it will simply be a matter of attracting those of the same vibration.