Older dancer

When I do a search on Dancemagazine site for “older dancer”, I find an article blurb asking “Why aren’t we seeing older dancers more often?” and when I click on the More hyperlink,…..the article is no longer there….

Kind of like the remnants of a dancer’s life.

Like amazing dancers who just vanished from the dance world, with only pictures and memories. It’s as if they died, but we have links to them. The links are just dead.

When I have experiences like this, and when I look for classes in cities I am visiting, and they have JAZZ40 (Jazz for folks over 40 years old), I start to feel like a senior citizen. All this at the same time I am thinking of starting dance all over.

Part of me says this is impossible. The pragmatic, scared part of me knows that to simply follow a “regular” career would be the easiest route, the safest route, the predictable route, with only the pain of numbness.

Another part of me, the warrior side, jumps at the challenge. “I can do anything I set my mind to” is her mantra. I have accomplished most of what I set out to do, although I have not learned to sustain anything. But, this is not something to conquer, although I would have to use all of those warrior skills to ensure I am safe and consistent and that I push through those tough times. This part of me knows what it takes, and stands at attention, ready to take on the next challenge I give it.

The weary part of me asks, “when will all these challenges end? I am so deeply tired.” This part wants simplicity, no goals, just time to ponder, and sleep, and feel what comes up. She wants to slow down enough to feel nature, to breathe in her surroundings. Slow down until the air breathes her, until the rumblings of the earth are the rumblings of her body, until the vibrations of the universe are the music in her cells. And then, she will be rejuvenated, and then she will tap into the wellspring of mana and let it flow through her.

And a deeper part of me knows that this is not a labor of a year, or simply a challenge. This is not something for which I instantly drop everything else in a brave attempt to reclaim what I laid down in shame. ..Something I picked up again, and again, and again.

This is a calling to be fully embodied, not just to dance the form I know best, but to yet again be a channel of light and love. This time, with more wisdom, with more gravity, more balance and sincerity.

This is a deep act of self-preservation in a world so confusing and chaotic, so wildly unnatural in its attempt to curb our true wild nature. Our wild nature IS balance. It is a natural, instinctual response to the vibrations moving in, around, and through us. It is not a set of societal structures and rules, but rather an inner compass based on wisdom, heart, and deep knowing. It is sourced from our genes and our ancestors.

I know not where this is coming from, except that I know a knot inside is coming unraveled. It’s a big one, a gnarly mess of shame, grief, unspoken desires and abandoned dreams.

It’s time for something new to be born from an old passion. When I left San Francisco Ballet School and abandoned a full scholarship, I told them that dance was a spiritual thing for me. I didn’t tell them the truth, that I couldn’t afford to survive. And yet, I think in many ways, I did tell the truth. Dance is my way of connecting to source, to being a channel of the FULL experience of life. It rolls in the past, the present, and future. It rolls in HUMANITY. It can be shared or it can be solitary, and either way it connects us.

I trust I will find people who feel the same way as me on my journey. This journey started 33 years ago, when I discovered ballet. While I may not have spent all those years in the studio, I have explored movement in many forms, and I keep coming back to the DANCE….

Dance is Life is Dance


137- Who Do You Think You Are?

There is nothing to practice.
To know yourself, be yourself.
To be yourself, stop imagining
yourself to be this or that.
Just be. Let your true nature emerge.
Don’t disturb your mind with seeking.

Nisargadatta …. ♥

“Stop imagining yourself to be this or that”…. to stop identifying yourself as any-thing, which is purely the ego. May we all be the student every day. May we always be humble and trust that the other has their answers within them, and until they hear themselves speak that truth, they will not hear our answers.

We are neither “good” nor “bad”, wise nor dumb, virtuous nor sinful. We simply are as we are, perfect, and right where we are meant to be. Where else could we be?

133- Lifting Each Other Up, Effortlessly


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Very little is as uplifting as knowing that the way in which one lives her life has a positive effect on others… to know that living by example is enough to inspire to action those who are ready to take … Continue reading


121- The Ego Tells Us Love is Limited


If you employ greedy thoughts in your doing of good works, this is what’s known as a case of the seeds being impure. If you use a mind which takes pleasure in supremacy over others in the doing of good … Continue reading


111- Going Down the Rabbit Hole To Uncover My Emotions


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Facebook has been quite the source of inspiration for me lately. In my feed are really only positive affirmations, food for thought, life affirming statements and pictures. One page, Meditation, has posted some really great stuff. The following is a … Continue reading


110- Getting back to that “Happy Place”

The following is borrowed from a Facebook status of a friend, and I felt it so timely:

In many shamanic societies if you came to a medicine person complaining of being dis-heartened, dis-spirited, depressed, they would ask you one of four ?s

when did you stop dancing
when did you stop singing
when did you stop being enchanted by stories
when did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?

I keep finding posts about how to get back to that “happy place” for people who are entangled in their old ways, their old patterns.

Just this morning, I was thinking that dancing, kirtan, and meditation are certainly ways to happiness, given they are engaged in mindfully. They are ways of staying present, ways of experiencing anew what may seem like the same activity.

Each day, a new life. Each breath, a new attitude. Each moment, a new beginning.


109- Who moved my mirror?


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My good friend Amanda came over today. I always love when we visit. She is a sunshiney person, and even on a rough day, she lights up my world when we are together. We talked about certain feelings like abandonment, … Continue reading


99- Wisdom in the Flow


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I have noticed that my postings have become more sporadic, and they aren’t the forced daily postings I had before. I love posting, and I often have too many ideas to flesh out, so when nighttime comes, I am too … Continue reading



“There is nothing wrong with dating someone. But if you believe you can only experience a state of calmness by being with somebody, this means that you are in a tricky situation, because a dependency exists. This dependency makes you feel anger. It doesn’t matter with whom or with what you are dating: a person, a car, a house or a bank account. If you depend on something outside of yourself to remain at peace, sooner or later, you will be dragged into suffering. Everything that is on the outside is transitory. It’s like a cloud that will always pass by. There is nothing wrong with you celebrating the encounter, but when you try to retain this moment and make it eternal, then you have a problem because the cloud always passes.”

Sri Prem Baba ~ ‘Flower of the Day’ 6/23/12

The following was the response from Angela Drake’s facebook status:

This is why it is divine to be alone… this is why getting self right within is vital… this is why exclusive love is an illusion… this is why being ones own beloved is perfect… this is why spending sacred self time in the reflection of another in a vibrational frequency that is elevated, is a sublime exchange and to walk away whole and in peace simply is a beautiful expression of love... with zero attachment, feeling blessed and content.
Anything and everything that is leaned upon in the outer world is an illusion or a need to fill and inner void. The inners are a sweet place to call home and rest in knowingness that all is in perfect order, then the outer world is a perfect reflection of inner tranquility. me

All of this is a lovely reminder of time with my beloved, and with those beloved in my life who partake in the dance of divine being, who reflect all the beauty we share and bring me closer and closer to my self, my first beloved.

To my beloveds, you live in my heart, always.


80- Dis-Anchored


Sometimes it takes others to point out the obvious to us.Even when the obvious is something we drag in off the ocean floor. I received a text from my dear friend Celeste. She brightens my life! I didn’t feel well, … Continue reading